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Kiss’ Gene Simmons and his partner, former Playmate of the Year Shannon Tweed and family are the latest Reality TV couple. Gene Simmons Family Jewels airs on A&E on monday nights. Gene Simons and Shannon Tweed have been together for 23 years and raised two seemingly well-adjusted teenagers, 17-year-old Nick and 14-year-old Sophie.

The family’s life is documented in Gene Simmons Family Jewels, an A&E series debuting tonight. But these are not The Osbournes. “I’ve never been high or drunk or smoked,” Simmons boasted at a press conference last month in Pasadena, Calif.

“Can’t say the same for me,” Tweed said with a smile. “But I’ve been good lately.”

His demonic image notwithstanding, Simmons is a no-nonsense parent.

“Our responsibility is to supply the money, the structure and the love and protect them with our lives. Their job is to do well in school and behave, period. This notion of parents having to negotiate with their children, who just learned to wipe their butts, is out of the question.”

Clips from Family Jewels portray Simmons bragging about his romantic conquests, but Tweed says it’s all talk. “I’m not a stupid girl, nor am I a doormat. If those things were true, he’d be missing a limb.”

Simmons doesn’t dispute this. “I want to be the bad guy. I don’t want anybody to say good things about me.”

He and his un-wife came to an understanding at the beginning of their relationship. “Before we ever really knew each other,” Simmons said, “we really put all the cards on the table. In fact, Shannon, early on, came on tour and answered the phone sometimes when the groupies were there. She’s met them, seen what it is.”

“I didn’t let them in,” she interjected with a laugh.

She still harbors the romantic notion of being a bride (in the premiere, she hopes to stage an ambush wedding and land her man). “I was brought up with Walt Disney like the rest of you. You know — Prince Charming was supposed to come and sweep me up and [I’d have] the dress and the party. But no, I don’t get a dress and a party.”

Simmons responds with the counter-argument that she also doesn’t get court papers. “Even though we’ve never been married, we also have never been divorced.”

 Gene Simmons Family Jewels should be a riot, check it out every monday on A&E

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After a long and eventful season, it all comes down to Taylor vs. Kat tonight
 
Katherine McPhee and Taylor Hicks will go for the “Idol” crown on Fox tonight.
 
The square-headed Simon Cowell and the bespectacled Randy Jackson have become very predictable.

The 12 “Idol” finalists will reunite Wednesday night.

Admit it: You’ve been glued to “American Idol” this season, even before the Brittenum twins (remember them?) were throwing disastrous hissy fits.

And it all ends this week with a showdown between Idol nominees Taylor Hicks, who never stood in the bottom three until there were only three left, and Katharine McPhee, whose appeal is only partially her ability to actually, you know, sing.

Here’s a look back at the scarily popular show’s fifth season, which will culminate in the hourlong sing-off between Taylor and Kat at 8 tonight on Channel 29:

Biggest surprises

1. Chris Daughtry, ousted in week nine with a brusque, “Chris, you are going home!” from Ryan Seacrest that left Katharine’s mouth literally hanging open long enough for several flies to enter, find nothing interesting inside, and buzz out.

2. Mandisa’s premature dismissal in week four. Sure, I carped at the horizontal stripes on her top, but they weren’t that bad.

3. Paris Bennett’s boot in week eight. She stands to have a successful career anyway, even though her speaking voice sounds like a Munchkin’s.

4. Elliott Yamin’s transformation from a gap-toothed Amish farmer to a cute, twinkly-eyed guy with occasional visual flashes of Bruce Springsteen.

5. Taylor Hicks‘ ability to shed his annoying mannerisms - the Ray Charles self-hugging, the Joe Cocker flap-armed spasticity - and still sing.

Predicta-dull

Randy Jackson, Paula Abdul and Simon Cowell continued their deterioration into caricatures of themselves.

Randy’s the king of name-checking who’s in charge of interrupting the applause with, “Yo! Yo! Check it out!” and always, always grabs for his big red cup of product-placed soda after finishing his often-whiny semi-complimentary remarks. Nice glasses, though!

Paula, who seems lucid about half the time, loves to compliment the tall, slim women on their appearance (worst was some disturbing remark to Ayla Brown that she yearned to replace her legs from the knees down with Brown’s legs). Other than that, Paula’s mostly in charge of ladling out happy talk and falling half in love with cute boys and maybe all the way in love with cute men.

And Simon, the square-headed, wardrobe-impaired meanie who, whenever the camera pans to him after one of Seacrest’s jabs, can be seen leaving over to Paula, asking, “What did he say?” Kills me to say it, but Simon’s critiques are usually more on track than the other two.

Talking points

1. The embalmed/surprised look frozen on the faces of such mega-rich celebrities as Barry Manilow, Priscilla Presley and especially Kenny Rogers convinces me that there is no such thing as “good” plastic surgery. What does it say that the only guest singers with natural faces were a) the guys of Queen and b) Stevie Wonder and Andrea Bocelli?

2. Was Kellie Pickler really as dumb as she portrayed herself? Here’s a hint: During week 5’s review of her atrocious “Bohemian Rhapsody,” Cowell started to say that it seemed like it would be a failure “on paper.” Onstage, the Pick crinkled her adorable nose. “On pay-pur?” she cooed to Seacrest, but then! One of the great moments of “Idol”! She slipped and said she had trouble with Simon’s “terminology.” And that is where the scales fell from the eyes of those us not blinded by the “I’m blond and my pop’s in jail and I never heard of sal-mon” storyline. It’s an “Is this chicken or tuna?” thing. Dumb girls are cute, aren’t they? Not so much!

3. This week, we’ll see the Top 12 reunite and hear Carrie Underwood perform “Don’t Forget to Remember Me.” We’ll be remembering Kevin Covais, Lisa Tucker, Melissa McGhee, Bucky Covington and Ace Young, none of whom I would cross the street to hear sing.

4. And now, the big question: who’s going to win? Taylor, unless Elliott’s 33 percent goes en masse for Katharine, and that could happen. It seems like E-man and Kat have more in common than the Soul Patrol’s main man. But, hey, I’ve been wrong before!

5. Auditions for season six could begin as soon as July and last until October, with season seven to start airing in January 2007. Clear your calendar!
Source: www.buffalonews.com

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